The Real Self

Why focus your life on the curtain when the real stuff is what is behind it? The real self.

I will be continuing that thought in another post so I will not go on a tangent about this...

That is this post ! :)

So I recently had my graduate school interview ...

and because I was so nervous/ apprehensive of going back to school

I knew that once I was at the interview I would just "know" if it was the right choice.

Well , I did get some affirmation that this possibly could be the right direction which is awesome

but before I had interview I really tried to reflect on why I would like to pursue a future in Counseling.

I came up with pretty much one big reason... I love "the real self"

By this I do not mean, I love hearing the gossip worthy stuff about people's lives

but I mean I love seeing and getting to know the depths of a person.
Coming from Franciscan, I found there -an interesting dilemma...
People who went there either tried there best to reveal their true hearts and personas

or tried there best to hide their insecurties and failures...

But why try so hard, I know I try and have tried hard to come off a way that
may not ring true to really what is going on underneath... but coming back to my question...

does hiding the things you failed at and the things you are not proud of truly let others
understand where you are coming from or the things you have endured...

I know I would stand back in admiration listening to a story of a man who is 3 years sober

but I wouldn't even KNOW to admire someone who has triumphed over this addiction yet remains silent. 

I understand that each of us may need more time than others but I'm speaking to those of you

who hold in this "inner self" that truly do not let others in...
you hold in your true feelings about an issue for fear of being judged, you hold back your insight into a situation for fear of being exposed, you stand to the side silent when someone speak out about a similar struggle you went through because you are afraid your image will be damaged...

But let's look to the other side... take Abby Johnson for example...

She changed her position on abortion from a planned parenthood director to a pro-life leader...

she openly admits to having two abortions and aiding the abortion industry. She bares her wounds
out in the open for all the see and I believe she does this to inspire others... to inspire others to 

not be ashamed of past scars but reveal why they are there and how they hurt so as to STOP more pain from happening...

Personally, I have a lot of baggage that I know is not out in the open with only a few knowing of most of them, but at the same time I let those people in. I let them share in my pain and weakness and because of that I know they respect me for letting them in and revealing where I come from and how I got where I am today. 

I think of a scar, an actual physical scar I have on my body and it represents so much anger and pain, you see, I struggled with cutting. So , I actually have many scars that represent pain... some on my wrists some on my ankles... some on my hands... is telling the blogosphere this scary??... yes... 

but I believe that it lets you know that I have come a long long way... cutting is not my release anymore I have some hope to turn to and hope can change a lot of destructive behaviors...

Sometimes when I'm in the car listening to praise I just feel -pure Love-

it fills me and overflows me with ...Joy.
I am released of my pain because
I know I have hope.
My hope is in the Lord.

Does Christ truly know your real self? Have you let him into that part of your life?

Have you approached his throne, broken and stumbling and did you tell him why?

Of course Christ knows our suffering but revealing this isn't for God, it's for you.

Letting God into parts of your life that you have "shut out" never to be seen again 

is like leaving a wound uncared for ...we take care of our physical wounds...why are we ignoring the wounds on our soul?

My Divine Physician, I praise you for your healing Love.