We're all the same

"If I could tell the world just one thing it would be, we're all ok"

 - Jewel

It's funny how life seems to go so fast , you have an "aha" moment
and you realize just how much life has gotten away from you.
You blink and four months has gone by... or even a year.

You never know what lies before you, but you do know who goes before you...

Be not afraid, I go before you ...always.

This is always comforting for me because I can be so scared about my future

and where I will be a year from now,
but I need that reminder that Christ is already there...

He is forming me to be ready for changes ahead and heartbreak in the future.
He is placing people in my life for a reason, at a certain time for a purpose.
I must trust Him.

In the end reflecting on these past few months I realize...
that I am held in Christ's hands...
and those are the same hands that are guiding me.

"Like a shepherd he feeds his flock;
in his arms he gathers the lambs,
Carrying them in his bosom, and leading the ewes with care." -Isaiah 40:11

I could wallow in despair and ask myself questions,
why me? why not? why why why....

I won't know and I will never know
so why challenge my creator with these questions

that I know aren't for me to know ...at least not now...

"I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear."

For what else do you think of when you think of despair...
darkness, sadness,loneliness?
How can I choose to be in darkness...
I know many people do it all the time,
but I have the opportunity to rise above and force my way into the light...

I won't be made useless...wow. That is such a wake up call.
It forces me to examine, what am I doing that is ...useful?

Is questioning my faith useful ...sometimes...
is becoming bitter useful...never...
Is trusting God helping me to be stronger and less resentful... I think so.

All of us have our struggles, and we ALL need encouragement.
But what are we doing that is actually encouraging us?
Are you dwelling on your successes or your failures?
I think sometimes with all of this media surrounding us
we forget that we are all the same...
Some lives may seem glamorous,
reading other wives blogs or family blogs...
or looking at facebook or other forms of media we may assume
"wow, everything is so put together"...
"she is so lucky",
"she is so put together"
"he has no clue how great he has it"

He, she...better...luckier...more this ...more that...
how is that encouraging your soul?
If you struggle with this, (and believe me I'm guilty of it )
start changing your perspective.
How can I change my perspective of MYSELF.
How can I start embracing the way God is calling me to live?
How can I rid myself of this resentful thinking?

Maybe it's taking a break from reading blogs, facebook,e-mails
maybe it's writing down positive things from the day or experiences
and reading them to yourself. Or possibly creating a "solo blog"
Just for you...writing the journal to you and only you...and fill it with
only positive.

We are all the same, we are all His chosen and we were not made to
be "put" against each other, or to live in darkness.
We are all ok. We are all His.

You Change Me

 We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.  ~Kenji Miyazawa

It's truly amazing how God places things before you, hard journeys that when you 

start to walk them you think "Wow, this road is the right one!!" You are so

confident that you are on the right road until you hit a rough patch.

You are standing firmly on solid ground then quickly the gravel starts 

shifting below you. You are so unsure of how to remain standing you think you

won't be able to ever find solid ground again...

And you find yourself wondering, is this the right road?

Did I take a wrong turn somewhere or is this truly where God

wanted me to be? He wanted me to lose solid ground? He wanted 

me to be afraid to take one more step in front of me? 

Well, God wants so many things for us... but he does not

want us to fear. He longs for us to "see" things clearly...

To look at your surroundings instead of staring of your feet.

To realize that your journey is part of God's plan, not just the walking part.

He will call us down roads we would NEVER CHOOSE but he asks us to walk them

anyways. He asks us to walk these treacherous, scary roads for a purpose.

Some reasons will never be clear but oftentimes God calls us 

...out of darkness, to His Light.

 Situations arise where we are blinded by darkness, we are blinded 

to see the person we MUST become

...and Jesus is one step ahead shining His Light 

to warm our coldness and complacency. 

He is asking us to walk down dark roads so that

that the only light we can follow is His Light. 

We must walk down weary paths
in order to learn who we are without  our road maps.
Without our plans getting in the way, 

God is open to revealing Himself to us within our paths 

not as a checklist along the way. 

He can become ingrained into our path and truly lead us ... step by step...

It's so funny thinking about my personal "road map" and how truly God has 

lit the match to that plan and struggled so hard to compete with that piece of paper.

But, as dark as this road is I can't help but step into the footprint of Christ and 

close my eyes and just listen. 

Where am I going Lord, if I am not following you??

Whose voice am I hearing if you are not filling my ears? 

Is my path to you Lord an easy one to follow, I can't say that it is...

But what I can proclaim is that this is Your Plan...this is Your way....

and because of that , You Change Me.

Amen.

Fear and Following

 "Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrows. It empties today of its strength."
-Corrie Ten Boom

Oh how oh how do I need to live by this. Do you ever have something in your life that is so constant, it becomes just ingrained into you and that you don't think twice about it.
Yup, that is worrying for me. So much so- that I sometimes seriously forget to ask God to help heal me from my anxieties.

What is the root of worry...fear.
Fear of the inevitable, fear of loss, fear of the unknown..etc...etc...etc.

"perfect love drives out fear"
- 1 John 4:18

I guess it's a little humorous that this post is going up on Halloween

but really fear is in all of our lives. I know it's in mine almost everyday.

But how does that affect your life? Does fear control an aspect of your life?

Or even a little part of it? Do you have moments in your daily routine where you

ask yourself, wait, but what if that doesn't work, this falls through, I fail??

What if everything I have  is lost?? What if everything I know, in a instant - is gone?

Well, in reality many of us face these fears head on... 

Moving away from friends, getting married, sorting your life out, taking that risk at your job, having children, making new friends. All of these things change your life, and yes they are risks but whose hands are holding you? 

Something my husband has to remind me , (more than I would like to admit) is...

"God is in control" . To some that could sound so scary , but to me it's more

a reminder that I am following Christ and as a follower of Christ I must let Him Lead me.

Trusting in God is a life lesson I will never stop learning. I know to place myself 

at His will is something I must always choose before listening to myself, because honestly...

I'm a wreak, lost and hopeless without him.

Savior,

You are in control.

No matter how many times I ask to be the leader...

Lead me, because I have no idea where I would go

without you as my guide.

Amen.

Delaney Lisieux

"I will never forget you.
See, upon the palms of my hands I have written your name"

Isaiah 49:15-16

My Sweet Delaney Lisieux,

I am writing you this to keep you alive in my heart, 
my child you will always be with me...
You will always be in my thoughts and within my soul.
You were once a part of me but now you're a part of Heaven.


Your time with me was so short but I praise God 
for letting me know you were there with me.
I know now I have a child, in Heaven, I am a mother 
to an angel in heaven. My Child, your name means "Angel from Heaven"
and that is what you are to us, an angel.


So breifly letting us know you are with us 
then going on to where we  hope to be someday...
Interceding for us for the rest of our lives, I couldn't
ask for more  than that. Like my own angel I know
you will be praying for me all the days of my life.
Although I will never watch your first tee ball game
or see you at your graduation, I will see you again one day.
That is my only hope. To see you again my child.


May your prayers guide us, and your love 
sustain us through the trails we will face.
Delaney, you would have been born today
but instead you have already been born in my heart



My sweet baby, I love you.

Patience

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them – every day begin the task anew.

St. Francis de Sales

I find it quite humorous right now that my blog name
is "Changed" . Well, of course it makes sense because of
how it applies to my overall life but I really think
it's times like these I need to reflect of how much MORE
I must change in order to accomplish the work Christ has set
out for me.

When I get frustrated about how things aren't changing, or
going MY WAY, I get impatient, as does pretty much most people
unless you are already saintly and then I'm just jealous... haha
okay not jealous just inspired because I know I need to change.

What is even more silly, is that I think change is just going to
happen to me, like when you get lucky and hit all green lights on
your way to work, well... that isn't how change, real concrete
change happens. It doesn't just fall into your lap and you just start
living your life a completely new way. It doesn't just "do all the work"
and you reap the benefits. You must make an effort each day to renew
your mind, encourage your own heart and fight the temptation
to lose hope.

I must admit, I am the queen of throwing my hands up in the air!
That's it, obviously the world is going to end and things are NEVER going
to be the way I want them, well Jaime- first of all shouldn't you think about
what God wants? Not only that, but your faith MUST come into play here.
If you aren't bringing God into your daily problems then that is what they will
stay ... forever...daily... PROBLEMS! A few bits of advice...

1. Hail Mary's. (yes, you know how they are used in football-well
when your head is about to explode , these work the same way )
All joking aside Mama is there for us, she has cried and suffered all throughout
her whole life and she is ready to fight and provide all the strength and prayers you need all day LONG!

2. Scripture. It may be just the Mass Readings for the day or just a few verses you love to encourage you, but think of it as God peeking his head into your office or classroom and saying "Hey,remember I'm always here for you."

3. Breathe. This is still from God... you know your breath...
specifically reminding you to breathe when you feel like you cannot
bear one more ounce of pressure or disaster... think of it as you are breathing
in PATIENCE.

4. Friends. Unload... particularly to faith filled ones, or you can e-mail me ! I <3 E-mail! (choirofangelsblog at gmail dot com)



Dear Lord,
I am so impatient,
and even though I'm impatient please
be patient with me.
I know I am a work-in-progress but help me to remember
that I am your work-in-progress.
Amen

Consumed

“Eternal Trinity, Godhead, mystery deep as the sea,
you could give me no greater gift than the gift of yourself.
For you are a fire ever burning and never consume,
which itself consumes all the selfish love that fills my being.”

St. Catherine of Sienna


Do you ever think to yourself ...
"how did I get so wrapped up with me?"
and it's easy to... i don't blame anyone who does (cause I do)
life can start going and seem to never slow down.
This is how I have been lately,
so consumed with my life and my problems
and my failings and my blah blah blah... doesn't
it just sound exhausting already?

When you stop focusing on yourself
it helps you realize how small you really are.
How small "these problems" really are.
In the long run, will you look back
and really care about what was consuming you??
...most likely you won't care.
But you know what you will long for...
that time that was missed in your journey
the time that was lost
while you were staring into the mirror facing another mirror
creating the illusion that the world consist of an infinite number of YOU.

The times I know I cherish the most
are the times I wasn't thinking about ME.
It has been those times that I sought outward
and instead of trying to gain, I was trying to lose...
selfishness, fear, doubt ...
and create- renew what was gone and
fill it with love, respect, dignity, faith.

Are you consumed with yourself? It's so sad because
I know that my life is FILLED with blessings,yet because
lately all I have been worried about is ME , I have failed
to truly embrace the beauty around me...

I have reached a point where all my baggage, all my
worries and anxieties have collected within me and
I am consumed...


Honestly, because this life is not about me...
it's about you .. yes, you the person who
is reading this... it's about my neighbor ...it's about God.

You shall love your neighbor as yourself -Matthew 22:38

If I care so much for myself
then I must care that much for my neighbor...
and I must care that much for God.



So Holy Fire, Burn away...everything
Amen

Make me feel

"Do grant, oh my God, that when my lips approach Yours to kiss You,
I may taste the gall that was given to You; when my shoulders lean
against...Yours, make me feel Your scourging; when my flesh is united with Yours,
in the Holy Eucharist, make me feel Your passion; when my head comes
near Yours, make me feel Your thorns; when my heart is close to Yours, make me feel
Your spear."

- St. Gemma Galgani

Can you hear the desperation in her voice,
the need for that closeness to Christ?
We all have cravings, from the depths of our souls calling out
to us- seeking something more than what we are supplying.


I know for me right now, I'm would be rendered in spiritual starvation.
St. Gemma is asking Christ, to feel something.
I'm sure we have all been there, so drained, so emotionally detached,
so profoundly withdrawn from the world that all you MUST DO IS FEEL...
something real, something extraordinary, something divine.

I need this, I need Christ. What is funny about my life right now
is Christ is shaking me saying... "oh Jaime, if you only knew what
you could be if you only asked, if you only came to me in your time
of confusion instead of thoughtlessly falling into different paths"

It's like a Dad watching his child struggle to find balance, only to find when
gaining stability, treads off completely in the opposite direction of His own arms.

How silly of that child, How silly of me...
I should know by now that beauty, reality and truth is only found
in my Savior.

Yet, I am at the cross asking to feel anything because
I feel so "out of sorts". Don't get me wrong Christ is CLEARLY
making Himself known in my life, but does that mean I'm letting myself
experience that Grace, that Presence?

That is why I think St. Gemma says it best...
"make me feel"

Savior,
If I only realized
the amount of Grace you are supplying me..
If I felt the amount of Love you have stored for me...
My soul would surely burst, overflowing with Joy.
I pray today that I may let Your love in.
I pray that I may listen to Your voice.
Help me see when I'm starving my soul of Your presence.
Amen.

The Crown

A crown, so majestic, so noble.
A first thought - robes, red and wavy come to mind...
Jewels, embellished in pure gold and shimmering
for all the see. You do not, (for the most part)
think of pain, suffering and anguish-
Or perhaps Mockery, Humility and Sacrifice.

When you think of the cross, and the pain Jesus
went through, sometimes it's easy to forget the
beauty of the symbolism behind such events that
led Christ there. The Agony in the garden is something
I touched on right before Easter
but the other day for some reason,
I really reflected on the crown of thorns.

How terrible yet humbling that experience must have been.
Jesus, King of all Kings, Lord of Lords...being mocked
by his own creation, by twisting the very thorns that He created
along with God the Father and placing those thorns upon His head.

But of all things, Thorns were chosen to be placed on His head.
It makes you wonder... why thorns?

While I was thinking about this , it occurred to me-
(similar to my last post about thorns) that many times
beauty is found amongst thorns.
If you glance at a rosebush you will see
such delicate buds and blossoming flowers yet in the midst
of that beauty are thorns... thorns that protect the flowers.

Roses are delicate and need protection , thorns are ugly, they
are painful and they are resilient, even when a rose dries up
and loses color and life the thorns are still there to protect it.

This is why I believe Christ chose thorns.
To show us... no matter what his people
does to him or what happens to His people...
he will protect His delicate children.
He will die EVERYDAY, and sacrifice it all for us
in return for our safety and protection.
His will be the thorns, so that we can be the rose.


My Jesus,
So much beauty lies in your crown
sweet suffering, beautiful redemption...
Help me to find that beauty amidst the pain
and know that in all things you are found.

Amen

The Rose

I wrote this 6 months ago and
never posted it on my blog, only on facebook
so I thought I would share...

Embracing the Thorns

A crimson red,
the beauty within you can't be explained.
The creator gave us this beauty for a reason,
Perhaps to remind us of something heavenly.

Blood of Christ, inebriate me.
Blood of Christ, sanctify me.
Blood of Christ, help me...
help me understand how something so terrible
and tortuous can be so full of peace?
How can Your pain...set my soul towards heaven?

Full of gratitude, I turn to you for answers and you
hand me the red rose.
The roses that adorn your mother
that crown her head and heart.
The thorns that remind us of those entangling yours.

O red rose , remind me of your beauty
but not just to stand back and adore you
but help me to hold you ...
so I can know at what cost you were given to me.




Amen

Holy Saturday and You

"After withdrawing about a stone's throw
from them and kneeling, he prayed
saying, "Father, if you are willing,
take this cup away from me; still,
not my will but yours be done."
(And to strengthen him an angel
from heaven appeared to him.
He was in such agony and he prayed so fervently
that his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground.)"

Luke 22:41-44


I remember once I was in a group
talking about the crucifixion
and I said something to point of...
how is death on the cross so terrible?
(I didn't say this to be disrespectful,
I really wanted to understand)
and a wonderful man by the name of Paul responded by saying
something like this,
that it wasn't just the physical pain of the cross
that he was enduring, it was the pain of the sin
of every single person
in the existence of the world, past, present and future-
it was their sin he was bearing,
after hearing that from Paul- and reflecting on it
it forces you to see that
the crucifixion was so much
more than horrible physical pain-
it was the pain and turmoil of SIN that makes the
cross seem impossible to endure,
to endure every hardship, to face every
betrayal and every desecration and every blasphemy
and trampling of all things sacred
-that was going through Jesus' mind and body.

In the Divine Mercy Novena
on the last (9th) day Jesus said to St. Faustina-

"Today bring to Me the Souls who have become Lukewarm,

and immerse them in the abyss of My mercy.
These souls wound My Heart most painfully.
My soul suffered the most dreadful loathing
in the Garden of Olives because of lukewarm souls.
They were the reason I cried out:

'Father, take this cup away from Me, if it be Your will.'

For them, the last hope of salvation is to run to My mercy."


To think that this is what was going through
Christ's head while he was going to "The Agony in the Garden"
is just ... so powerful.
It literally makes you stop in your tracks
and evaluate your life...
Where am I lukewarm Lord?
Am I forcing you to re-live in the Agony in the Garden daily
through my daily "lack" of Love and Faith and Trust in you?
It cuts right to my core honestly.

If anything as faithful followers
of Christ we are called to be
passionately Catholic/Christian
We are called to be FERVENT,
burning the Love of the Lord.
We are called to be REFINED by
the burning Love of Christ.


We always find that those who walked closest
to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials.

-- St. Teresa of Avila

Walk close to Christ,
Walk close to that Burning Love.
Ask Jesus to Ignite your heart.
Be so close to the Lord
that when you approach others
they feel the Love of Christ
radiating from you.

I see this post as being a great
reminder right before Easter
because we NEED that Love of Christ,
If anything many of us during Lent LONG for Easter,
most of us around Holy Week
are Just Like, C'mon already!
Let's sing that Hallelujah and REJOICE

But right now, we must cling to the cross
and see Christs' resurrection
on the horizon, standing their on Golgotha
on Holy Saturday we must decide
who we are,
are we those who so quickly lost faith
after seeing Jesus take His last breath
or are we those waiting for His prophecy to be fulfilled!
Waiting in anticipation for his Resurrection...
are we fleeting believers or FIRM DISCIPLES?

Here I am Lord,
Staring at the horizon
waiting for the new day
waiting to see you walk towards me.
Broken and healed, know I need you
to heal me in my brokenness
and meet me where I am
As you are renewed through your crucifixion
help me see that only through Your refiners
fire can I brilliantly shine Your Love.
Amen

On the Edge

I believe that impossible is only created when we rationalize.
I encourage you, today and always to be irrational. Believe in what
you think is inconceivable...pray like there are no certainties other than the truth known as your Savior, Jesus Christ.

Have you ever heard an insane conversion story?
Like so insane, far out, 180 degrees change in someone?

How does it make you feel? What does it do to your heart?
For me, it gives me hope. It lifts me up. It builds me up
and strengthens me.

Hope is a funny thing isn't it?
So easily lost on a stubbed toe
or a shattered glass. A day can go from
beautiful to hopeless in an instant.

But really it wasn't that Florida
souvenir glass that made you lose hope,
it was where your heart was.

There is a difference between a state of being
and the feelings you experience in any given moment

For example, you wake up and it's sunny
and quiet and things are going swimmingly,
but in your heart you are a mess -it's like
you are walking on the edge of a cliff range
and you are enjoying the beauty and the magnificence of
a sunset yet one step in the wrong direction
regardless of the beauty around you and...you're gone.

The problem isn't your feelings (that are so fleeting)
the problem is where YOU ARE AT.

Where is your heart? Are you unknowingly walking
on a rickety bridge completely unaware that you
could be in danger ?

If you stand before the pow’r of hell
and death is at your side,
know that I am with you, through it all
-The Song, Be not Afraid


Something I think I have learned about this little
Lenten Journey of my heart is where my heart truly is.
If i don't back away from evil, if i don't distance
myself from fear and run inland, no matter how long
I walk I will always be in danger of falling.
I have to run to my Father and into His safe hands.

He is with us, even when we are treading on evil ground.
Even when we are so close from being distanced from Him forever
He is as close to us then as He is to the most saintly of people
on earth. It's crazy because we are so easily broken
yet so easily healed by Him.

Hope is something I have really been struggling with,
truly it's hard to feel Full when you are so hungry
for something more. It's hard to focus and think clearly
when you let your worries be your god, and let
your weakness be your voice.

The Holy Spirit is a SHAKER.
He shakes us and wakes us up
as we are falling asleep...
drifting away from the truth...
and Grace is a Sustainer

this is the second part of the popular
verse 2 Cor. 12:9

"I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses,
in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me"

So there it is . I'm so weak
and I want more of you Lord.
I need your Grace, to sustain me.
and I need to know that when
I face darkness, that you are
the only way out, the only light
that can guide me safely to
your Hope.


Guide Me Lord, and Lead me
closer to your heart, I need you
to dwell closer than before.
Amen.

Inspire

Inspire: to breathe in, inhale


Something I find beautiful is our breath, our breathing.

If you think about what it means to breathe in and breathe out
something so simple,yet complex,
something that comes naturally, that sustains us,
that becomes what keeps us going, that calms us,
something that by simply controlling -can help
us run faster, push harder, perform better, sing louder
it's fascinating.

But not even that, when we breathe,
we are taking in pure oxygen and exhaling CO2.
We are renewing our body of what we need and pushing out
what we don't need.

Now to think about the word- inspire.
When I realize who I want to become,
the more I think about the definition
for inspire and the more I want to encompass EXACTLY
what that definition means.

We should strive to be that pureness, that
which someone sees and wants to be like, not in an
envious way but in a way that they long to
have what is inside, what sustains us -the longing for Christ.

For what else can I strive for, or what else should I want to portray
other than Christ? I wish to be the breath that awakens
that person who longs to exhale all their ailments, fears and sorrow.
I am called the be that breath, we all are.
And yes, how do you suppose to get from A to B.

Well it's as simple as Love.
How can we learn to start inspiring others? Love.
How can I look at the world with Hope? Love.
Because there is still an abundance of Love in this world,
an abundance of Hope and an abundance of Christ.
Their are still people that need inspiration, that need
that fresh breath to fill their hearts forever.

Breath of God,
breathe into me Your Spirit,Your hope
but most especially Your Love, that which will sustains me
under my afflictions and enable me to shine Your love unto others.
Amen.

Pictures of Beauty

i'm posting these here mainly because facebook destroyed the quality of
the pictures. enjoy.