Make me feel

"Do grant, oh my God, that when my lips approach Yours to kiss You,
I may taste the gall that was given to You; when my shoulders lean
against...Yours, make me feel Your scourging; when my flesh is united with Yours,
in the Holy Eucharist, make me feel Your passion; when my head comes
near Yours, make me feel Your thorns; when my heart is close to Yours, make me feel
Your spear."

- St. Gemma Galgani

Can you hear the desperation in her voice,
the need for that closeness to Christ?
We all have cravings, from the depths of our souls calling out
to us- seeking something more than what we are supplying.


I know for me right now, I'm would be rendered in spiritual starvation.
St. Gemma is asking Christ, to feel something.
I'm sure we have all been there, so drained, so emotionally detached,
so profoundly withdrawn from the world that all you MUST DO IS FEEL...
something real, something extraordinary, something divine.

I need this, I need Christ. What is funny about my life right now
is Christ is shaking me saying... "oh Jaime, if you only knew what
you could be if you only asked, if you only came to me in your time
of confusion instead of thoughtlessly falling into different paths"

It's like a Dad watching his child struggle to find balance, only to find when
gaining stability, treads off completely in the opposite direction of His own arms.

How silly of that child, How silly of me...
I should know by now that beauty, reality and truth is only found
in my Savior.

Yet, I am at the cross asking to feel anything because
I feel so "out of sorts". Don't get me wrong Christ is CLEARLY
making Himself known in my life, but does that mean I'm letting myself
experience that Grace, that Presence?

That is why I think St. Gemma says it best...
"make me feel"

Savior,
If I only realized
the amount of Grace you are supplying me..
If I felt the amount of Love you have stored for me...
My soul would surely burst, overflowing with Joy.
I pray today that I may let Your love in.
I pray that I may listen to Your voice.
Help me see when I'm starving my soul of Your presence.
Amen.

The Crown

A crown, so majestic, so noble.
A first thought - robes, red and wavy come to mind...
Jewels, embellished in pure gold and shimmering
for all the see. You do not, (for the most part)
think of pain, suffering and anguish-
Or perhaps Mockery, Humility and Sacrifice.

When you think of the cross, and the pain Jesus
went through, sometimes it's easy to forget the
beauty of the symbolism behind such events that
led Christ there. The Agony in the garden is something
I touched on right before Easter
but the other day for some reason,
I really reflected on the crown of thorns.

How terrible yet humbling that experience must have been.
Jesus, King of all Kings, Lord of Lords...being mocked
by his own creation, by twisting the very thorns that He created
along with God the Father and placing those thorns upon His head.

But of all things, Thorns were chosen to be placed on His head.
It makes you wonder... why thorns?

While I was thinking about this , it occurred to me-
(similar to my last post about thorns) that many times
beauty is found amongst thorns.
If you glance at a rosebush you will see
such delicate buds and blossoming flowers yet in the midst
of that beauty are thorns... thorns that protect the flowers.

Roses are delicate and need protection , thorns are ugly, they
are painful and they are resilient, even when a rose dries up
and loses color and life the thorns are still there to protect it.

This is why I believe Christ chose thorns.
To show us... no matter what his people
does to him or what happens to His people...
he will protect His delicate children.
He will die EVERYDAY, and sacrifice it all for us
in return for our safety and protection.
His will be the thorns, so that we can be the rose.


My Jesus,
So much beauty lies in your crown
sweet suffering, beautiful redemption...
Help me to find that beauty amidst the pain
and know that in all things you are found.

Amen

The Rose

I wrote this 6 months ago and
never posted it on my blog, only on facebook
so I thought I would share...

Embracing the Thorns

A crimson red,
the beauty within you can't be explained.
The creator gave us this beauty for a reason,
Perhaps to remind us of something heavenly.

Blood of Christ, inebriate me.
Blood of Christ, sanctify me.
Blood of Christ, help me...
help me understand how something so terrible
and tortuous can be so full of peace?
How can Your pain...set my soul towards heaven?

Full of gratitude, I turn to you for answers and you
hand me the red rose.
The roses that adorn your mother
that crown her head and heart.
The thorns that remind us of those entangling yours.

O red rose , remind me of your beauty
but not just to stand back and adore you
but help me to hold you ...
so I can know at what cost you were given to me.




Amen

Holy Saturday and You

"After withdrawing about a stone's throw
from them and kneeling, he prayed
saying, "Father, if you are willing,
take this cup away from me; still,
not my will but yours be done."
(And to strengthen him an angel
from heaven appeared to him.
He was in such agony and he prayed so fervently
that his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground.)"

Luke 22:41-44


I remember once I was in a group
talking about the crucifixion
and I said something to point of...
how is death on the cross so terrible?
(I didn't say this to be disrespectful,
I really wanted to understand)
and a wonderful man by the name of Paul responded by saying
something like this,
that it wasn't just the physical pain of the cross
that he was enduring, it was the pain of the sin
of every single person
in the existence of the world, past, present and future-
it was their sin he was bearing,
after hearing that from Paul- and reflecting on it
it forces you to see that
the crucifixion was so much
more than horrible physical pain-
it was the pain and turmoil of SIN that makes the
cross seem impossible to endure,
to endure every hardship, to face every
betrayal and every desecration and every blasphemy
and trampling of all things sacred
-that was going through Jesus' mind and body.

In the Divine Mercy Novena
on the last (9th) day Jesus said to St. Faustina-

"Today bring to Me the Souls who have become Lukewarm,

and immerse them in the abyss of My mercy.
These souls wound My Heart most painfully.
My soul suffered the most dreadful loathing
in the Garden of Olives because of lukewarm souls.
They were the reason I cried out:

'Father, take this cup away from Me, if it be Your will.'

For them, the last hope of salvation is to run to My mercy."


To think that this is what was going through
Christ's head while he was going to "The Agony in the Garden"
is just ... so powerful.
It literally makes you stop in your tracks
and evaluate your life...
Where am I lukewarm Lord?
Am I forcing you to re-live in the Agony in the Garden daily
through my daily "lack" of Love and Faith and Trust in you?
It cuts right to my core honestly.

If anything as faithful followers
of Christ we are called to be
passionately Catholic/Christian
We are called to be FERVENT,
burning the Love of the Lord.
We are called to be REFINED by
the burning Love of Christ.


We always find that those who walked closest
to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials.

-- St. Teresa of Avila

Walk close to Christ,
Walk close to that Burning Love.
Ask Jesus to Ignite your heart.
Be so close to the Lord
that when you approach others
they feel the Love of Christ
radiating from you.

I see this post as being a great
reminder right before Easter
because we NEED that Love of Christ,
If anything many of us during Lent LONG for Easter,
most of us around Holy Week
are Just Like, C'mon already!
Let's sing that Hallelujah and REJOICE

But right now, we must cling to the cross
and see Christs' resurrection
on the horizon, standing their on Golgotha
on Holy Saturday we must decide
who we are,
are we those who so quickly lost faith
after seeing Jesus take His last breath
or are we those waiting for His prophecy to be fulfilled!
Waiting in anticipation for his Resurrection...
are we fleeting believers or FIRM DISCIPLES?

Here I am Lord,
Staring at the horizon
waiting for the new day
waiting to see you walk towards me.
Broken and healed, know I need you
to heal me in my brokenness
and meet me where I am
As you are renewed through your crucifixion
help me see that only through Your refiners
fire can I brilliantly shine Your Love.
Amen

On the Edge

I believe that impossible is only created when we rationalize.
I encourage you, today and always to be irrational. Believe in what
you think is inconceivable...pray like there are no certainties other than the truth known as your Savior, Jesus Christ.

Have you ever heard an insane conversion story?
Like so insane, far out, 180 degrees change in someone?

How does it make you feel? What does it do to your heart?
For me, it gives me hope. It lifts me up. It builds me up
and strengthens me.

Hope is a funny thing isn't it?
So easily lost on a stubbed toe
or a shattered glass. A day can go from
beautiful to hopeless in an instant.

But really it wasn't that Florida
souvenir glass that made you lose hope,
it was where your heart was.

There is a difference between a state of being
and the feelings you experience in any given moment

For example, you wake up and it's sunny
and quiet and things are going swimmingly,
but in your heart you are a mess -it's like
you are walking on the edge of a cliff range
and you are enjoying the beauty and the magnificence of
a sunset yet one step in the wrong direction
regardless of the beauty around you and...you're gone.

The problem isn't your feelings (that are so fleeting)
the problem is where YOU ARE AT.

Where is your heart? Are you unknowingly walking
on a rickety bridge completely unaware that you
could be in danger ?

If you stand before the pow’r of hell
and death is at your side,
know that I am with you, through it all
-The Song, Be not Afraid


Something I think I have learned about this little
Lenten Journey of my heart is where my heart truly is.
If i don't back away from evil, if i don't distance
myself from fear and run inland, no matter how long
I walk I will always be in danger of falling.
I have to run to my Father and into His safe hands.

He is with us, even when we are treading on evil ground.
Even when we are so close from being distanced from Him forever
He is as close to us then as He is to the most saintly of people
on earth. It's crazy because we are so easily broken
yet so easily healed by Him.

Hope is something I have really been struggling with,
truly it's hard to feel Full when you are so hungry
for something more. It's hard to focus and think clearly
when you let your worries be your god, and let
your weakness be your voice.

The Holy Spirit is a SHAKER.
He shakes us and wakes us up
as we are falling asleep...
drifting away from the truth...
and Grace is a Sustainer

this is the second part of the popular
verse 2 Cor. 12:9

"I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses,
in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me"

So there it is . I'm so weak
and I want more of you Lord.
I need your Grace, to sustain me.
and I need to know that when
I face darkness, that you are
the only way out, the only light
that can guide me safely to
your Hope.


Guide Me Lord, and Lead me
closer to your heart, I need you
to dwell closer than before.
Amen.

Inspire

Inspire: to breathe in, inhale


Something I find beautiful is our breath, our breathing.

If you think about what it means to breathe in and breathe out
something so simple,yet complex,
something that comes naturally, that sustains us,
that becomes what keeps us going, that calms us,
something that by simply controlling -can help
us run faster, push harder, perform better, sing louder
it's fascinating.

But not even that, when we breathe,
we are taking in pure oxygen and exhaling CO2.
We are renewing our body of what we need and pushing out
what we don't need.

Now to think about the word- inspire.
When I realize who I want to become,
the more I think about the definition
for inspire and the more I want to encompass EXACTLY
what that definition means.

We should strive to be that pureness, that
which someone sees and wants to be like, not in an
envious way but in a way that they long to
have what is inside, what sustains us -the longing for Christ.

For what else can I strive for, or what else should I want to portray
other than Christ? I wish to be the breath that awakens
that person who longs to exhale all their ailments, fears and sorrow.
I am called the be that breath, we all are.
And yes, how do you suppose to get from A to B.

Well it's as simple as Love.
How can we learn to start inspiring others? Love.
How can I look at the world with Hope? Love.
Because there is still an abundance of Love in this world,
an abundance of Hope and an abundance of Christ.
Their are still people that need inspiration, that need
that fresh breath to fill their hearts forever.

Breath of God,
breathe into me Your Spirit,Your hope
but most especially Your Love, that which will sustains me
under my afflictions and enable me to shine Your love unto others.
Amen.

Pictures of Beauty

i'm posting these here mainly because facebook destroyed the quality of
the pictures. enjoy.