You Change Me

 We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.  ~Kenji Miyazawa

It's truly amazing how God places things before you, hard journeys that when you 

start to walk them you think "Wow, this road is the right one!!" You are so

confident that you are on the right road until you hit a rough patch.

You are standing firmly on solid ground then quickly the gravel starts 

shifting below you. You are so unsure of how to remain standing you think you

won't be able to ever find solid ground again...

And you find yourself wondering, is this the right road?

Did I take a wrong turn somewhere or is this truly where God

wanted me to be? He wanted me to lose solid ground? He wanted 

me to be afraid to take one more step in front of me? 

Well, God wants so many things for us... but he does not

want us to fear. He longs for us to "see" things clearly...

To look at your surroundings instead of staring of your feet.

To realize that your journey is part of God's plan, not just the walking part.

He will call us down roads we would NEVER CHOOSE but he asks us to walk them

anyways. He asks us to walk these treacherous, scary roads for a purpose.

Some reasons will never be clear but oftentimes God calls us 

...out of darkness, to His Light.

 Situations arise where we are blinded by darkness, we are blinded 

to see the person we MUST become

...and Jesus is one step ahead shining His Light 

to warm our coldness and complacency. 

He is asking us to walk down dark roads so that

that the only light we can follow is His Light. 

We must walk down weary paths
in order to learn who we are without  our road maps.
Without our plans getting in the way, 

God is open to revealing Himself to us within our paths 

not as a checklist along the way. 

He can become ingrained into our path and truly lead us ... step by step...

It's so funny thinking about my personal "road map" and how truly God has 

lit the match to that plan and struggled so hard to compete with that piece of paper.

But, as dark as this road is I can't help but step into the footprint of Christ and 

close my eyes and just listen. 

Where am I going Lord, if I am not following you??

Whose voice am I hearing if you are not filling my ears? 

Is my path to you Lord an easy one to follow, I can't say that it is...

But what I can proclaim is that this is Your Plan...this is Your way....

and because of that , You Change Me.

Amen.

Fear and Following

 "Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrows. It empties today of its strength."
-Corrie Ten Boom

Oh how oh how do I need to live by this. Do you ever have something in your life that is so constant, it becomes just ingrained into you and that you don't think twice about it.
Yup, that is worrying for me. So much so- that I sometimes seriously forget to ask God to help heal me from my anxieties.

What is the root of worry...fear.
Fear of the inevitable, fear of loss, fear of the unknown..etc...etc...etc.

"perfect love drives out fear"
- 1 John 4:18

I guess it's a little humorous that this post is going up on Halloween

but really fear is in all of our lives. I know it's in mine almost everyday.

But how does that affect your life? Does fear control an aspect of your life?

Or even a little part of it? Do you have moments in your daily routine where you

ask yourself, wait, but what if that doesn't work, this falls through, I fail??

What if everything I have  is lost?? What if everything I know, in a instant - is gone?

Well, in reality many of us face these fears head on... 

Moving away from friends, getting married, sorting your life out, taking that risk at your job, having children, making new friends. All of these things change your life, and yes they are risks but whose hands are holding you? 

Something my husband has to remind me , (more than I would like to admit) is...

"God is in control" . To some that could sound so scary , but to me it's more

a reminder that I am following Christ and as a follower of Christ I must let Him Lead me.

Trusting in God is a life lesson I will never stop learning. I know to place myself 

at His will is something I must always choose before listening to myself, because honestly...

I'm a wreak, lost and hopeless without him.

Savior,

You are in control.

No matter how many times I ask to be the leader...

Lead me, because I have no idea where I would go

without you as my guide.

Amen.

Delaney Lisieux

"I will never forget you.
See, upon the palms of my hands I have written your name"

Isaiah 49:15-16

My Sweet Delaney Lisieux,

I am writing you this to keep you alive in my heart, 
my child you will always be with me...
You will always be in my thoughts and within my soul.
You were once a part of me but now you're a part of Heaven.


Your time with me was so short but I praise God 
for letting me know you were there with me.
I know now I have a child, in Heaven, I am a mother 
to an angel in heaven. My Child, your name means "Angel from Heaven"
and that is what you are to us, an angel.


So breifly letting us know you are with us 
then going on to where we  hope to be someday...
Interceding for us for the rest of our lives, I couldn't
ask for more  than that. Like my own angel I know
you will be praying for me all the days of my life.
Although I will never watch your first tee ball game
or see you at your graduation, I will see you again one day.
That is my only hope. To see you again my child.


May your prayers guide us, and your love 
sustain us through the trails we will face.
Delaney, you would have been born today
but instead you have already been born in my heart



My sweet baby, I love you.

Patience

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them – every day begin the task anew.

St. Francis de Sales

I find it quite humorous right now that my blog name
is "Changed" . Well, of course it makes sense because of
how it applies to my overall life but I really think
it's times like these I need to reflect of how much MORE
I must change in order to accomplish the work Christ has set
out for me.

When I get frustrated about how things aren't changing, or
going MY WAY, I get impatient, as does pretty much most people
unless you are already saintly and then I'm just jealous... haha
okay not jealous just inspired because I know I need to change.

What is even more silly, is that I think change is just going to
happen to me, like when you get lucky and hit all green lights on
your way to work, well... that isn't how change, real concrete
change happens. It doesn't just fall into your lap and you just start
living your life a completely new way. It doesn't just "do all the work"
and you reap the benefits. You must make an effort each day to renew
your mind, encourage your own heart and fight the temptation
to lose hope.

I must admit, I am the queen of throwing my hands up in the air!
That's it, obviously the world is going to end and things are NEVER going
to be the way I want them, well Jaime- first of all shouldn't you think about
what God wants? Not only that, but your faith MUST come into play here.
If you aren't bringing God into your daily problems then that is what they will
stay ... forever...daily... PROBLEMS! A few bits of advice...

1. Hail Mary's. (yes, you know how they are used in football-well
when your head is about to explode , these work the same way )
All joking aside Mama is there for us, she has cried and suffered all throughout
her whole life and she is ready to fight and provide all the strength and prayers you need all day LONG!

2. Scripture. It may be just the Mass Readings for the day or just a few verses you love to encourage you, but think of it as God peeking his head into your office or classroom and saying "Hey,remember I'm always here for you."

3. Breathe. This is still from God... you know your breath...
specifically reminding you to breathe when you feel like you cannot
bear one more ounce of pressure or disaster... think of it as you are breathing
in PATIENCE.

4. Friends. Unload... particularly to faith filled ones, or you can e-mail me ! I <3 E-mail! (choirofangelsblog at gmail dot com)



Dear Lord,
I am so impatient,
and even though I'm impatient please
be patient with me.
I know I am a work-in-progress but help me to remember
that I am your work-in-progress.
Amen

Consumed

“Eternal Trinity, Godhead, mystery deep as the sea,
you could give me no greater gift than the gift of yourself.
For you are a fire ever burning and never consume,
which itself consumes all the selfish love that fills my being.”

St. Catherine of Sienna


Do you ever think to yourself ...
"how did I get so wrapped up with me?"
and it's easy to... i don't blame anyone who does (cause I do)
life can start going and seem to never slow down.
This is how I have been lately,
so consumed with my life and my problems
and my failings and my blah blah blah... doesn't
it just sound exhausting already?

When you stop focusing on yourself
it helps you realize how small you really are.
How small "these problems" really are.
In the long run, will you look back
and really care about what was consuming you??
...most likely you won't care.
But you know what you will long for...
that time that was missed in your journey
the time that was lost
while you were staring into the mirror facing another mirror
creating the illusion that the world consist of an infinite number of YOU.

The times I know I cherish the most
are the times I wasn't thinking about ME.
It has been those times that I sought outward
and instead of trying to gain, I was trying to lose...
selfishness, fear, doubt ...
and create- renew what was gone and
fill it with love, respect, dignity, faith.

Are you consumed with yourself? It's so sad because
I know that my life is FILLED with blessings,yet because
lately all I have been worried about is ME , I have failed
to truly embrace the beauty around me...

I have reached a point where all my baggage, all my
worries and anxieties have collected within me and
I am consumed...


Honestly, because this life is not about me...
it's about you .. yes, you the person who
is reading this... it's about my neighbor ...it's about God.

You shall love your neighbor as yourself -Matthew 22:38

If I care so much for myself
then I must care that much for my neighbor...
and I must care that much for God.



So Holy Fire, Burn away...everything
Amen

Make me feel

"Do grant, oh my God, that when my lips approach Yours to kiss You,
I may taste the gall that was given to You; when my shoulders lean
against...Yours, make me feel Your scourging; when my flesh is united with Yours,
in the Holy Eucharist, make me feel Your passion; when my head comes
near Yours, make me feel Your thorns; when my heart is close to Yours, make me feel
Your spear."

- St. Gemma Galgani

Can you hear the desperation in her voice,
the need for that closeness to Christ?
We all have cravings, from the depths of our souls calling out
to us- seeking something more than what we are supplying.


I know for me right now, I'm would be rendered in spiritual starvation.
St. Gemma is asking Christ, to feel something.
I'm sure we have all been there, so drained, so emotionally detached,
so profoundly withdrawn from the world that all you MUST DO IS FEEL...
something real, something extraordinary, something divine.

I need this, I need Christ. What is funny about my life right now
is Christ is shaking me saying... "oh Jaime, if you only knew what
you could be if you only asked, if you only came to me in your time
of confusion instead of thoughtlessly falling into different paths"

It's like a Dad watching his child struggle to find balance, only to find when
gaining stability, treads off completely in the opposite direction of His own arms.

How silly of that child, How silly of me...
I should know by now that beauty, reality and truth is only found
in my Savior.

Yet, I am at the cross asking to feel anything because
I feel so "out of sorts". Don't get me wrong Christ is CLEARLY
making Himself known in my life, but does that mean I'm letting myself
experience that Grace, that Presence?

That is why I think St. Gemma says it best...
"make me feel"

Savior,
If I only realized
the amount of Grace you are supplying me..
If I felt the amount of Love you have stored for me...
My soul would surely burst, overflowing with Joy.
I pray today that I may let Your love in.
I pray that I may listen to Your voice.
Help me see when I'm starving my soul of Your presence.
Amen.

The Crown

A crown, so majestic, so noble.
A first thought - robes, red and wavy come to mind...
Jewels, embellished in pure gold and shimmering
for all the see. You do not, (for the most part)
think of pain, suffering and anguish-
Or perhaps Mockery, Humility and Sacrifice.

When you think of the cross, and the pain Jesus
went through, sometimes it's easy to forget the
beauty of the symbolism behind such events that
led Christ there. The Agony in the garden is something
I touched on right before Easter
but the other day for some reason,
I really reflected on the crown of thorns.

How terrible yet humbling that experience must have been.
Jesus, King of all Kings, Lord of Lords...being mocked
by his own creation, by twisting the very thorns that He created
along with God the Father and placing those thorns upon His head.

But of all things, Thorns were chosen to be placed on His head.
It makes you wonder... why thorns?

While I was thinking about this , it occurred to me-
(similar to my last post about thorns) that many times
beauty is found amongst thorns.
If you glance at a rosebush you will see
such delicate buds and blossoming flowers yet in the midst
of that beauty are thorns... thorns that protect the flowers.

Roses are delicate and need protection , thorns are ugly, they
are painful and they are resilient, even when a rose dries up
and loses color and life the thorns are still there to protect it.

This is why I believe Christ chose thorns.
To show us... no matter what his people
does to him or what happens to His people...
he will protect His delicate children.
He will die EVERYDAY, and sacrifice it all for us
in return for our safety and protection.
His will be the thorns, so that we can be the rose.


My Jesus,
So much beauty lies in your crown
sweet suffering, beautiful redemption...
Help me to find that beauty amidst the pain
and know that in all things you are found.

Amen